Wednesday, 18 November 2015

wednesday reflection

I think acting class went really well today. I do really enjoy listening to the other scenes and the feedback for/from everyone else. I really look forward to this class. What a change from the first few weeks of classes when I expected to hate Wednesdays. OK, GRAD SCHOOL, I GET IT. I'M LEARNING AND CHANGING. OK, YOU GOT ME. It was pretty amazing to see my cohort perform-- there really is such improvement in everyone. Relative to their level of experience, of course, but everyone really has improved. Though I still question some of my peer's clothing choices... (Namely, long underwear are not pants.)

I think Wendy & Peter Pan at the RSC last night has sparked a lot of thought in me. I'm ultimately really excited about being an actor today. I don't always feel excited. I'd say I always feel passionate or ambitious or intent, but not necessarily excited. But I'm excited today-- yet the question is, to what end? I'm not sure what that means, because I think I do want a professional career. No-- I know I do. But at the RSC? Or something like it? Why not at Utah Shakespeare Festival? You know? I guess I'm just very struck by how good work can be (and is) done at places without a great reputation or budget or star power or notoriety. And I guess obviously I'd like to work for Utah Shakes-- I'd like it quite a lot, actually. But I just feel like good work goes into the universe and makes a ripple, even just a small one, even if only for 6 people in the audience. That sounds terribly poetical... But it's true.

Except I always want to perform for audiences much, much bigger than 6 people. But where?

Our magical movement class with Keith was lovely as always. We did some partner work where one partner had to explore movement with their eyes closed. It was very freeing and a true trust-building exercise. I love Keith's approach to movement-- it's so exploratory and energy-based and, as always, I'm surprised by what I'm capable of doing. I was also pleased with the exercise today since I worked with Rachael and much of the time she and I just let the other play with their eyes closed. We'd control the situation so the other wouldn't run into a wall or another person or we'd catch each other if we fell (on purpose) but we were pretty intent of letting the other do whatever they wanted to do without inhibiting-- just supporting it.

Most of the class, however, created a kind of duet together, which was also lovely, but a few of them mentioned that they didn't want to leave the "blind" partner in "the void," so they were much more hands-on. I don't think it's at all wrong, but I do think that's somewhat reflective of how we have different ideals as a practicing ensemble. I didn't feel like I was in a void at all when my eyes were closed-- I felt like I couldn't fail, actually, like every possibility was open to me. That's not a void at all. And since each "blind" moment was about one of us, the other was there to facilitate that focus, not insist on participating or controlling or throwing curveballs at them when they were already in a sensory disadvantage. If we had both had our eyes open, then the moment (or the scene or whatever) is about us and there's more room to share the performance.

I don't know-- maybe I'm digging too deeply but it feels somewhat rudimentary for the seeing partner to insist on participating-- and potential grounds for bd acting habits, honestly. A GIANT part of working in an ensemble is knowing when it's your moment and when it's not your moment, even if you're onstage; to what degree do I "matter" to the storytelling of the events in the scene. It's not about "moving" or "working" together-- it's the give and take and knowing when you're frankly not "the point" in a moment. I'm interested in exploring these ideas more, especially as our group continues to refine their skills.

Rehearsal for As You Like It was pretty good. We spent 1.5 hours working on 2.7, but it was good hard work, which was needed for all the reasons-- not the least of which is the entire cast is in the scene. I did it completely off-book and made some great strides, in spite of needing to call for lines at the end of both monologues. I started to get a bit bummed at myself but the truth is, David was pleased with my progress, I knew the scene well enough to be able to work through it, and also I have a good (productive) ability to stay in the moment as I have lines fed to me so I help keep the momentum going for everyone else-- so big progress today.

I don't suck at acting. I'm actually pretty good at acting. I'm extra motivated to catch a second wind and keep working hard this term. I want to end it as strongly as I can so that I know I have taken every opportunity to take advantage of the discovery part of this term.

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