acting

I'm really thrilled that we've been doing so much energy work in acting class in the last few weeks. I feel like it's been rather transformative, at least emotionally if not physically. Energy work is something I've been so interested in for so long in my personal life, I'm surprised and a little annoyed that I haven't applied it more to my acting. I especially loved working through the chakras and applying them to the Countess for my scene-- it absolutely gave me new direction, to the point where I don't think I was able to give my strongest performance immediately following the energy work because I was so interested in playing with leading from different chakras, but I'm excited to apply it in my own time and going forward. I have a feeling it will help me nail down Jaques a bit better too.

Speaking of whom, that character is such a mystery and I'm pretty frustrated. I know we still have a month to work, but I just don't feel like I understand this guy. First of all, I think it's clearly because he is a guy. I feel extraordinarily limited in my physicality because I am so comparatively feminine. But there's also an element of relaxation to him, almost a bit gender-neutral (the introduction essay in our copy of the script talks about this a lot), which makes things incredibly difficult. He wanders. He moves. I'm trying to find moments of stillness because it will help me control it, but by virtue of how the character is written, he's just not very buttoned up, which is causing me problems. David has asked that I come to rehearsal from now on with no makeup or jewellery, my hair undone, and in proper trousers. I may actually venture to Primark or something this week to invest in a few pairs of actual male pants to see if that will help me? I'm sure it'll be psychological more than anything but I do need some help and dressing the part will be part of it.

But clothing aside, I just don't get it. I don't know what to do with my hands and my arms. I don't know how to stand or carry myself. I don't know how to even hold my head with Jaques. Le Beau has come SO EASILY to me, but Jaques is an absolute puzzle. I'm trying to head into the next week with a good attitude and make BIG choices in rehearsals to see what I can find. He requires exploration this week. Here's hoping I can make some discoveries.

All I do is win win win no matter what what.......