neutrality

We started work on neutral mask with Keith today on our first day of Term 3. I've done very little mask work at all-- nothing with neutral masks. This is an area where I have no experience whatsoever but I'm excited to learn.

He made a suggestion during the conversation about how important it is not only to achieve neutrality as an actor, but also not to rush past neutrality in the rehearsal process. This struck me not only because it has frankly never occurred to me to walk into a new rehearsal process in a neutral state-- without preconceived notions of what a character is "about" or who they are. It was like a revelation. It makes me so excited to get started working on The Veil this week. I've familiarized myself with the script quite well but I suppose I have the benefit of having not done too much work yet at this point, which I think will set me up very well to start this process keeping neutrality in mind as we begin. Remaining neutral erases Emily the actor from the equation and allows the character to come through naturally. I'm looking forward to it so much.

I had another realization (which kind of goes along with my thoughts regarding my feedback for Term 2) thinking back to Term 1 and my experience in the rehearsal process for As You Like It (which seems like YEARS ago, at this point!). My entire goal for Jaques became: to be "neutral," which of course stemmed largely from the fact that he is male and I am female. So in that I think my goal was a good one and I still feel good about the work I did to achieve that.

However, I realized that it also became a goal that I just became resigned to. It was not my best work, during the entire process. I was certainly self-conscious throughout the term, which prevented me from real success, or at least a few more layers of exploration and discovery. It's true that David and I did not speak the same language when it came to laying a foundation for a solid director-actor working relationship, which made me overly nervous and unsure of myself. I realize now that there was a point where "neutral" became my goal because at least it wouldn't be "wrong"-- it would just be "neutral."

I now see this as such a missed opportunity to actively seek neutrality, and also how much more credit I could have given myself at the time for my goal, particularly during Term 1. Neutrality was the right way to go. It was the right goal. But my performance was impacted because I didn't occur to me that neutrality is a powerful choice I could have made, that would have strengthened my performance and provided me the ability to layer more active choices on top of "neutral".

It has completely changed my perspective in going into rehearsals for The Veil, and it really excites me. Despite being more comfortable with my role for this term than I was Term 1, it will certainly be a challenge for me in different ways and I don't want to limit myself up front by coming in with preconceived notions that may be difficult to shift in the process. I don't want to limit myself by expecting too much of myself upfront.

I feel so free to work on this project. What a spectacular feeling.