research project conversation with MFA 2s

• Allow yourself to shift research question within process
• Viva is opportunity to discuss what would have been written in the paper - but then shouldn't I just write it? 
• be sure to highlight things at center of the work in "presentation"
• Locate work that has already been done - how does this research fit within context of the field/question?
• What will be more useful in the long run - not just within the scope of the project
• forward what interests you!
• Don't take an easy route - push yourself!
• Get consent from people to use - interviews/workshops/etc.
• Appendices may be as time consuming as body of research itself!
• give yourself more time than you think you need
• Keep record of research - dates, etc. - ideas as they come
• As you're rehearsing, every thing you do is research
• broaden your idea of "what is research" - contextualize it
• Keep in mind: your process is your process
• How much is it about the mark vs. process? 
• Support each other - find/create a support system for self
• Conclusion can involve where I would take it from here
• especially if question is specific within a larger area
• Utilize supervisor, especially for written parts

rehearsal process/etiquette - workbook session

• Be on time
• Be present - give attention to the work/focused - support ensemble
• Take advantage of learning from each other
• Openness & respect for director, actors, SMs, etc.
• Negotiate relationships actively and politely
• Self-awareness to know the difference between notes and criticism
• Listening, collaboration, recognizing another's creative process
• Take ego out of the process!!! - approach disagreement maturely
• Enable supportive environment - facilitate other actors' work!
• Do the work - prepare for rehearsal - prepare to offer
• Memorize, research, study the play/scene
• BE A PROFESSIONAL
• What will facilitate the good of the group?
• All other actors have something to offer that I don't have

"If you don't know how to listen, you cannot have a conversation" - Alex Taylor

Madeleine Lambroke - workshop

Madeleine Lambroke - 1822
In her 40s
1 daughter - 17 years old
Widowed - arranged marriage at 19 to Edward, died 8-10 years ago
Poor - compared to "glory years" of the estate 20 years ago
Generous - gives alms, food, takes in orphans/staff as she can
Polite & well-mannered - honest
Private - for propriety, keeps opinions to herself unless provoked
Mother - nurturer
Does not hold grudges
Can see & respect/love people despite difference of opinion
Protective - of self, family, their legacy
Smart - logical
Lacks affection - won't seek it out

Relationship to Hannah
Loves her - doesn't know how to be close to her
Protects her
Spent 8-9 years of her life shutting her away per Edward
Feels guilty Hannah found Edward
Took more/better care of Edward than Hannah
Jealous of her future life and status
Argumentative relationship
Goes to find Hannah herself after a fight

Following some exercises exploring self/relationships:

• Has a hard time beginning conversations with Hannah-- unless being critical. Doesn't like to discuss hard things.  WRACKED WITH GUILT.
• Has a hard time talking to Grandie-- loves her very much, respects her, finds it easier for others to "baby" her.
• Does not see herself as a good mother-- due to being not overly emotional as a mother. Isn't sure what a "mother" really is. Didn't ever think about wanting children, just know it was part of her future as an heiress wife. Takes care of people but doesn't know if that's being a "mother."
• Would like to leave Ireland ASAP. Will think of Ireland often (constantly) but won't miss it. Has few "happy" memories-- has always been too thoughtful and weighed down by duty/structure.
• Cares for community-- would hire more staff if she could afford it, gives what she can.
• Doesn't say more than she needs to, EVER-- usually less than she needs to (to Hannah and Grandie). Has a hard time answering questions about herself, speaks specifically, easy to engage/question people she's not close to.
• DOES NOT BELIEVE IN GHOSTS-- knows she experienced something but WILL NOT discuss it or entertain the possibility that it was a ghost. 

Is it better or not to share intellectual thoughts about characters through process? To dissect or not as we go? To what extent? Dependent on relationships within the world of the play? 

Factual things about Madeleine can be determined by what she doesn't say, and by how she says what she does say. It IS in the text. 

Questions

Is Edward my cousin? - Yes, probably from one of the "four wives," since Grandie is my grandmother but both our married names are Lambroke. 

What is Madeleine's religion? Is she religious? 

Why isn't Madeleine haunted by the room? Or is she?

RP forces me to slow down-- think through lines and what I'm saying, why and how to say it.

acting class notes

When there is a morality debate in a play/scene: clarify what the debate is actually about. Don't let emotion be the prime "engine" of the scene-- focus on the nature of the argument.

• how does this apply to Variations on a Theme?

Age is a sense of groundedness - especially when playing significantly older than myself. Can I find ways to let my real age lend itself to an older character? 

Bring a sense of self to characters and transform it.

perfectionism and being a perfectionist

Are you a perfectionist? What is perfectionism?
I do not consider myself a perfectionist. I think perfectionism is a compulsive need to be, well, perfect, regardless of everything else. I have learned to enjoy the process of rehearsing and giving myself credit for exploration that I don't, for example, beat myself up for going up on a line occasionally. I do like being good at things and I do work very hard, but I think my work is toward improvement, not being perfect.

Having high creative standards for myself is different than expecting perfection. 

Do I have the same expectation for others?
I think so-- in the sense that I expect people to work hard. I don't want to dictate how someone else should rehearse and evolve, but I think my expectation is that people do and are. I think it's important for at least the minimum to be done-- read the play, study the play, draw connections, base acting choices in the text, listen to your scene partner and director, etc. I do expect that of others, but I don't know that it's unreasonable to do so.

When do I stop asking for feedback?
I don't typically ask for a lot of feedback. I always like feedback and I will seek it out when I'm not getting anything in the pursuit of improving, but I don't really ask for it-- especially when I know I'm doing good work and my marks/feedback reflect that (as they have recently).

"Perfectionism does not exist." It cannot, even in maths - ex. you can make x=y, but x and y are ultimately not the same.

If this is true, what is "my best"?
I think "my best" is doing the work. That sounds trite, but it's what I said before-- read the play, study the play, draw connections, base acting choices in the text, listen to your scene partner and director. I think contextualizing the play is important, exploring physicality and vocal choices (relevant to my character, the character's status and position, gender, age, etc.) is important. I think doing these things and seeing it as an ongoing process is doing "my best." I don't see this as a form of perfectionism, I see it as a way to keep the character and the piece fresh and organic. There are always new things to discover. I can't discover them if I have become static or closed off in my process/performance.

Who is a perfectionist in this group?
I think Jared, Rachael, Madison, Aubrey and I all exhibit perfectionist tendencies in one way or another. Aubrey is incredibly opinionated in how things "should" be done and is conscious of what other actors' lines are-- she gets very frustrated when people say things wrong or make "wrong" choices. Her allegiance to the text I think makes her a bit inflexible. Jared and Madison have incredibly high standards for themselves, which they deal with differently-- I think it makes Jared aim higher, I think it makes Madison crumple in on herself in anxiety. Rachael has perfectionist goals in specific areas (namely movement and voice) which I think makes her a bit inflexible, like Aubrey. She doesn't relax and has intensely high standards for herself. And me-- I'm somewhere in the middle of all of it. I respect the text and precision in movement/music/voice/etc., and I aim to work hard, but I also know sometimes there are days when I am just feeling crappy or tense or distracted. While I can leave my baggage at the door, I can't not feel sad if I'm feeling sad. The question is how to transform that for now and then do better tomorrow.

(Why. Did. Zak. Repeat. What. I. Said. In our acting session. Ugh. He has no original thoughts. How can I let this go? Can I...?)

Workbook session - additional thoughts
Avoid the feeling of "I've got it right!" - expecting the "right" way or answer is putting up an unnecessary end-game. I need to know I have done and am doing the work that will support me, being confident to trust myself and take risks. Perfectionism maybe isn't a finite things-- it can be a kind of attitude, rather than a state of being. Are there aspects of perfectionism that are inherently not creative? If acting is about "being, not doing", I just need to give myself as many tools as possible to just be. 

In playing a character, I can't deny myself and what I have walked into the room with. It's about taking that and transforming it. I can read all the books and do all the research and practice all the technique, but ultimately I may also have laryngitis-- I can't control that. So what do I do with it to make it work for me?

voice tutorial - reflections

How do I feel about my voice work in She Ventures?

• Very pleased with it & I got good feedback
• Goal for term 3: connect accent to voice (like finding neutral physicality)
• Felt very comfortable with size of the space and managing projection
• Happy with having explored some more range of pitch and chest resonance-- would like to continue exploring mouth & head resonance/finding how to keep lower voice in those places
• Why do I still catch tension in my belly?-- that said, I know I can relax enough for performances.

Body and voice respond to each other-- re: discoveries in Keith's class yesterday!

"Acting is a practice" -- like yoga

• Adapt where voice comes from depending on the needs of the body/character and being able to return to neutral-- tune the instrument

If body/voice is an instrument, it can be tuned into different "keys"-- practice will allow same work to be successful, healthy and steeped in what we've studied-- same work, different "key"

What is the difference between my "natural" voice and my "stage" voice?

• I do feel more pleased with my "stage" voice in general
• "Natural" is more tense, belly and back of throat

acting class - notes

Fully present and listening = good acting

When we really know what's at stake, that makes us vulnerable.

"You have all the answers." - learn to ask yourself the right questions

Physical/vocal choices:
1. Direct
2. Indirect
...execute intention efficiently!!
That's it! What you do and say need to be matched unless it's VERY specifically done

Don't let physical choices undercut intentions-- don't adjust clothing unless character would/needs to. To do so at a moment they wouldn't/don't need to is out of character.

term 2 feedback - thoughts

The most important lesson I learned this term it:

You get out what you put in.

And I am thrilled that my tutors agree that the level of my work this term is deserving of marks that reflect what I "put in". I knew I worked REALLY hard. I'm really proud of how hard I worked. I am deserving of distinction on our assessed assignments. I'm so looking forward to continue my efforts. I feel like I have so much further to go-- so much further I'd like to go-- but I feel like I've really proved to myself what I'm capable of.

I deserve to be here. I deserve the marks and feedback I received. I deserve to continue with this same focus and improve accordingly.

What a different student/person/actor I feel like, compared to the end of Term 1!

I'd call this feeling a "win".