I do not consider myself a perfectionist. I think perfectionism is a compulsive need to be, well, perfect, regardless of everything else. I have learned to enjoy the process of rehearsing and giving myself credit for exploration that I don't, for example, beat myself up for going up on a line occasionally. I do like being good at things and I do work very hard, but I think my work is toward improvement, not being perfect.
Having high creative standards for myself is different than expecting perfection.
Do I have the same expectation for others?
I think so-- in the sense that I expect people to work hard. I don't want to dictate how someone else should rehearse and evolve, but I think my expectation is that people do and are. I think it's important for at least the minimum to be done-- read the play, study the play, draw connections, base acting choices in the text, listen to your scene partner and director, etc. I do expect that of others, but I don't know that it's unreasonable to do so.
I think so-- in the sense that I expect people to work hard. I don't want to dictate how someone else should rehearse and evolve, but I think my expectation is that people do and are. I think it's important for at least the minimum to be done-- read the play, study the play, draw connections, base acting choices in the text, listen to your scene partner and director, etc. I do expect that of others, but I don't know that it's unreasonable to do so.
When do I stop asking for feedback?
I don't typically ask for a lot of feedback. I always like feedback and I will seek it out when I'm not getting anything in the pursuit of improving, but I don't really ask for it-- especially when I know I'm doing good work and my marks/feedback reflect that (as they have recently).
I don't typically ask for a lot of feedback. I always like feedback and I will seek it out when I'm not getting anything in the pursuit of improving, but I don't really ask for it-- especially when I know I'm doing good work and my marks/feedback reflect that (as they have recently).
"Perfectionism does not exist." It cannot, even in maths - ex. you can make x=y, but x and y are ultimately not the same.
If this is true, what is "my best"?
I think "my best" is doing the work. That sounds trite, but it's what I said before-- read the play, study the play, draw connections, base acting choices in the text, listen to your scene partner and director. I think contextualizing the play is important, exploring physicality and vocal choices (relevant to my character, the character's status and position, gender, age, etc.) is important. I think doing these things and seeing it as an ongoing process is doing "my best." I don't see this as a form of perfectionism, I see it as a way to keep the character and the piece fresh and organic. There are always new things to discover. I can't discover them if I have become static or closed off in my process/performance.
If this is true, what is "my best"?
I think "my best" is doing the work. That sounds trite, but it's what I said before-- read the play, study the play, draw connections, base acting choices in the text, listen to your scene partner and director. I think contextualizing the play is important, exploring physicality and vocal choices (relevant to my character, the character's status and position, gender, age, etc.) is important. I think doing these things and seeing it as an ongoing process is doing "my best." I don't see this as a form of perfectionism, I see it as a way to keep the character and the piece fresh and organic. There are always new things to discover. I can't discover them if I have become static or closed off in my process/performance.
Who is a perfectionist in this group?
I think Jared, Rachael, Madison, Aubrey and I all exhibit perfectionist tendencies in one way or another. Aubrey is incredibly opinionated in how things "should" be done and is conscious of what other actors' lines are-- she gets very frustrated when people say things wrong or make "wrong" choices. Her allegiance to the text I think makes her a bit inflexible. Jared and Madison have incredibly high standards for themselves, which they deal with differently-- I think it makes Jared aim higher, I think it makes Madison crumple in on herself in anxiety. Rachael has perfectionist goals in specific areas (namely movement and voice) which I think makes her a bit inflexible, like Aubrey. She doesn't relax and has intensely high standards for herself. And me-- I'm somewhere in the middle of all of it. I respect the text and precision in movement/music/voice/etc., and I aim to work hard, but I also know sometimes there are days when I am just feeling crappy or tense or distracted. While I can leave my baggage at the door, I can't not feel sad if I'm feeling sad. The question is how to transform that for now and then do better tomorrow.
I think Jared, Rachael, Madison, Aubrey and I all exhibit perfectionist tendencies in one way or another. Aubrey is incredibly opinionated in how things "should" be done and is conscious of what other actors' lines are-- she gets very frustrated when people say things wrong or make "wrong" choices. Her allegiance to the text I think makes her a bit inflexible. Jared and Madison have incredibly high standards for themselves, which they deal with differently-- I think it makes Jared aim higher, I think it makes Madison crumple in on herself in anxiety. Rachael has perfectionist goals in specific areas (namely movement and voice) which I think makes her a bit inflexible, like Aubrey. She doesn't relax and has intensely high standards for herself. And me-- I'm somewhere in the middle of all of it. I respect the text and precision in movement/music/voice/etc., and I aim to work hard, but I also know sometimes there are days when I am just feeling crappy or tense or distracted. While I can leave my baggage at the door, I can't not feel sad if I'm feeling sad. The question is how to transform that for now and then do better tomorrow.
(Why. Did. Zak. Repeat. What. I. Said. In our acting session. Ugh. He has no original thoughts. How can I let this go? Can I...?)
Workbook session - additional thoughts
Avoid the feeling of "I've got it right!" - expecting the "right" way or answer is putting up an unnecessary end-game. I need to know I have done and am doing the work that will support me, being confident to trust myself and take risks. Perfectionism maybe isn't a finite things-- it can be a kind of attitude, rather than a state of being. Are there aspects of perfectionism that are inherently not creative? If acting is about "being, not doing", I just need to give myself as many tools as possible to just be.
In playing a character, I can't deny myself and what I have walked into the room with. It's about taking that and transforming it. I can read all the books and do all the research and practice all the technique, but ultimately I may also have laryngitis-- I can't control that. So what do I do with it to make it work for me?
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